Everything was packed and ready to go the night before. We had an early flight (840am) and left home at just before 630 - plenty of time (or so we thought). But we got stuck in peak hour traffic and arrived at the long term carpark at just on 8am. Luckily a shuttle bus was slowly making its way around the carpark and we were able to run ahead and catch it. Our flight had been called but we were booked on. Then it was off through security:

Tip 1 - don’t wear our big metal buckled belt on a plane trip - even if it is groovy looking as you will need to take it off

Tip 2 - teach your 6 year old to walk through the security gate and wait on the other side away from the other people pushing through

As we were late we had been separated on the plane and I found myself squashed between 2 strangers in the back row with a toddler on my lap. Our plane was a 737-800 and let me tell you, there is virtually no legroom to speak about. You soon become well aquainted with the people next to you

Tip 3 - the sick bag makes a great distractive toy. Use it as a puppet or play “hide mummy’s mobile phone (switched off, of course)”

Tip 4 - be nice to the cabin crew and they may feel sorry for you and let you move to an empty row (on a supposedly “full” plane) after takeoff

In February 2004 we took Loll on a short trip to Adelaide. It was extremely hot, in fact the city experienced its hottest day on record - 45C - while we were there. Here’s a photo of him sitting with some of our bags in the baggage claim area of Sydney airport:

On this occasion we didn’t end up having to wait too long for the last bags to come out on the conveyor belt. Unlike our trip to France.

After our disastrous flight over to Perth I was hoping for a much less eventful return flight. My mum took the kids to the local park for a run around while I re-packed the bags (always a much harder task than the initial packing!). Unfortunately Zavvy did not take a nap and so the only sleep he had was about 10 mins in the car on the freeway.

Both my parents came to see us off and so at the airport Mum and I took the kids to check-in while Dad parked the car (the carpark at Perth airport is woefully inadequate and so he had to park some distance away). Once inside the Qantas terminal I realised that the new self-checkin machines are not just for Sydneyites. But luckily there was someone there to assist people with their checkin. I say luckily because even though the assistant insisted that it is really easy, my booking was obviously complicated and instead of a boarding pass I was given a direction to see the counter staff. And so I ended up checking in the traditional way.

We joined the long snaking queue for security checks and I ended up having to take off my bangle, boots and watch while all of my cabin luggage piled up at the end of the x-ray machine conveyor belt.

At the gate it was obvious that the flight was going to be full. People were standing, bags in hand, waiting to rush the doors as soon as the boarding call was made. Over the years I’ve discovered that unless you are in the first ten or so people then you may as well wait until as late as possible to board because otherwise you end up in a bottleneck on the airbridge or in the aisles onboard the plane. And so we waited until the crowds has almost dispersed before giving my parents a tearful farewell and joining the queue. Unfortunately the passengers had been terribly slow at boarding and we were still caught up in a traffic jam - plus we found people sitting in our seats (they had misread their boarding passes).

We found ourselves seated in the bulkhead row. I suppose the checkin clerk had thought that would be useful for us (or maybe the computer allocates those seats to holders of infant tickets) but as Zavvy is way too big for the bassinette the bulkhead seats are actually more inconvenient, particularly as you have to put all of your carry-on luggage in the overhead locker (which were mostly full meaning that I had to put my bags in other lockers.)

And so the flight began. Zavvy was restless and overtired. Loll was happy to read his books. And we were seated with other women and their babies so all was well with the world. There was a spare seat between us and the next passenger, a woman travelling with a lap toddler and so we negotiated to share the seat for meal times.

Our meals were served. Zavvy sat on my lap and ate his brother’s meal of pasta as he didn’t want his own meal of steamed pureed veges and chicken. Loll ate bread rolls, cheese and a little bar of chocolate. Once the other toddler had eaten I put Zavvy in the spare seat and had my dinner.

After dinner the crew gave out chocolate icecreams. The kids tucked in. A little while after that Loll complained of a sore tummy. So we all traipsed off down the aisle to the toilet, a very squashy affair. He said he didn’t feel like being sick so we went back to our seats and I gave him a plastic bag in case he felt sick and told him to sleep (it was now around 9pm). All the other babies were asleep but Zavvy was wired and I was trying to keep him quiet by looking at the inflight magazine because I was getting dirty looks from the other mothers.

Then I felt a tug on my arm and turned to see Loll vomitting all over himself. Unfortunately he was half asleep and missed the plastic bag. I jumped up and put Zavvy on my seat but somehow he managed to tip a water bottle all over our saet and he was upset. Luckily the woman next to us called the flight attendants - I asked them for a plastic bag for Loll’s clothes and blankie and for them to take Zavvy away so I could clean up.

To their credit the crew responded quickly and got out the “biohazard” kit with rubber gloves and plastic bags and lots of Chux wipes. Poor Loll was upset and his clothes were soiled. I hadn’t packed spare clothes for him (being only a domestic flight - my bad!) and so I had to take off his shirt and get his sweater from the locker and he had to stay in his jeans. The crew swapped over the seats and put a blanket on mine (because it was wet).

Once we were cleaned up the crew brought Zavvy back to me. He was covered in stickers from the dining carts and had a “Biohazard - Do Not Enter” attached to his wrist - he had had a lovely time.

Soon it was time to land. We were seated right behind the crew seats and an overtired Zavvy was flirting with two female flight attendants. As we touched down Zavvy yelled out “weeeee” which made them laugh. Then he was calling out “oh, wow - lights”. He also pointed at the attendants and said “mummies” (he’s just discovered the difference between males and females, except that all men are daddies and all women are mummies) which the crew thought was quite hilarious.

For once I got up straight away once we pulled into the gate. I wanted to be off the plane as soon as possible. Hubby was there waiting and both boys were delighted to see him - they ran across the hall and gave him big cuddles.

Once we retrieved our bags I was able to get out some clean clothes for Loll and we were on our way home.

It seems that there were a whole bunch of other people who had also delayed their trip until after the end of the final as traffic was heavy and we crawled along the last bit of the freeway. My husband pulled up outside the departure hall and dropped us off to save time. He then went to park the car while I took the kids to check in - we had around 35 minutes to spare so I thought we were fine.

Now Qantas has instituted a new system whereby they have self-service check-in terminals and a bag drop. The idea is to check yourself in and receive a boarding pass and then line up to check in your luggage. The only problem is that there is no one close by to ask if you have a less than ordinary booking. Usually I would go straight to the “called flights” desk but there was noone on duty and so I approached the self help terminal and put in my frequent flyer card - up came my booking and it knew that I was travelling with an infant. But Loll’s booking didn’t appear and I was worried that he wasn’t in the system or that it would give me seats at the opposite end of the plane so I abandoned my checkin and approached the info desk. I told the woman that I had two separate bookings (mine was a frequent flyer one and Loll’s had been purchased by my mother) and she told me to go to the help queue. Now it just so happened that a P & O cruise ship had dropped off hundreds of passengers at that very moment for their flights home from Sydney. It was also the business persons’ rush hour and so the queues were horrendous and my husband was still nowhere in sight. I was getting worried that I would miss the flight, even with 30 mins to go.

About a minute or so later the info desk woman went to the called flights counter and asked that people on the 830am Melbourne flight come forward. I joined that queue but when I told the woman that I was on the 820am Perth flight she was very curt with me and told me I was too late. She didn’t give me any indication of what I was now supposed to do until I asked and she virtually barked at me to go to the sales counter.

Now, I usually try to remain calm and adopt a “it’ll be okay” attitude but I must admit that I was stressed out by this stage. I was upset at having missed the flight by literally 5 minutes and cursing myself that I hadn’t just gone ahead with the self checkin and annoyed that we hadn’t left home sooner. Plus my husband was still nowhere to be seen. So by the time it was my turn to talk to the sales clerk I was flustered and on the verge of tears. Luckily the clerk just booked me on the next flight and waived the redirection fee (tears do work LOL).

As we now had our boarding passes for the 1010am flight we joined the bag drop queue and checked in our luggage. They also made me check in my stroller which meant two hours in the airport with a roving toddler. We also found my husband, who had gone to the gate and then come back looking for us. It was then time to negotiate the security queues. Thankfully my boots did not set off the alarm this time and we were able to go straight through.

We now had two hours to kill and to add insult to injury, when we went up to the gate lounge the 820am plane was still waiting to roll back for another 10 minutes and I watched it taxi away while making a quick call to my parents to ensure that my mother wouldn’t be left waiting for two hours at the other end.

It’s amazing how time slows down when you really want it to whizz by, two hours in a gate lounge with a hyped up toddler is about as far from fun as I can imagine. There is only so much “look, there’s a plane!” and “stop running away and harassing the other passengers” that you really want to do on any given day!

Finally we were called to board and said goodbye to hubby. Having checked in so early we found ourselves at the back of the plane. By good fortune it was a fairly new Airbus A300 with individual TVs - a rarity on the domestic routes. We were given two seats with a window (Zavvy was travelling as a lap infant). I looked enviously at the row next to us with only one person in a three seat row (the back 4 or 5 middle rows in an A330 are only three seats wide as the plane narrows) and was going to ask the guy sitting there to swap but a steward moved some people there before I could ask.

It takes between one and two hours longer to fly from east to west across Australia than from west to east due to the winds. The wind was extremely strong that day so our flying time was just over 5.5 hours. That’s a long time to sit with a toddler on your lap. Luckily he wasn’t too badly behaved.

I hadn’t double checked on our meals at checkin and so the head steward informed me that they only had one child’s meal on board (I had pre-ordered a child and toddler meal) as we were now on a different flight. Loll took one look at the macaroni cheese and screwed up his nose so Zavvy ended up eating it and Loll stuck with cheese and crackers, a bread roll and some chocolate. I hadn’t planned on being in the air over lunchtime otherwise I would have brought him some sandwiches as he is a fussy eater. When it came time to eat my meal I was faced with a logistical challenge - trying to eat while a toddler sat on my lap. Normally when I fly with my hubby we take turns at eating and holding the baby but this time I had to put my tray on Loll’s table and eat leaning across - a feat I managed without spilling anything on me!

The rest of the flight passed without incident - slight grumbling from Zavvy who eventually fell asleep for an hour. Loll was quite content to sit and watch the same Disney cartoons that he watches at home.

We landed ten minutes late in Perth and were the last off the plane, stopping only to ferret out the apples at the bottom of my nappy/diaper bag to put in the quarantine bins. There at the gate was my Mum - it was great to see her (and I could really do with the extra set of hands!)

So, I guess the moral of my little story is:

1. Leave home extra early if you have a long drive through peak hour traffic
2. Try not to schedule your departure at the same time as the World Cup Final (or at least hope that it doesn’t go to a penalty shoot-out)
3. If in doubt - checkin and then argue about your seat allocation at the gate
4. Demand help if you need it
5. Tears do help sometimes (and may save you money LOL)
6. Don’t travel with me - I seem to be cursed!